I am never going to really change. I think I have finally settled into becoming who I am, truly.
I sometimes wonder what I will be like, you know, when I grow up. I look at how selfish I can be now, how lazy I am, how hard it is for me to commit to things. It makes me wonder how I will every be able to embrace adulthood. I wondered for a very long time how I would manage to settle down and feel ok with “spending the rest of my life” with someone. It never made sense to me. Love didn’t exist, and I didn’t think it was possible.
I hope I don’t speak too quickly in saying that it apparently takes the right person to understand that particular feeling.
I am hoping that this applies to careers, living, and even children. The selfishness fades away, the need to constantly run will slowly turn to a desire to wait things out.
I have no fear of the future. Just fear of not having one. Not that I am afraid of dying, although I feel that everyone is afraid of dying in some way. I am just concerned that I won’t get off my ass and do something about my life. I go through such enormous bouts of depression, it worries me that I will just eat myself to death and give up entirely.
enough sad emotion. For now, there is astronomy homework to complete, and I have been slacking off baking all day today. I made oreo brownies and homemade tortillas. Then I ran my ass off at the gym. Its a good balance.